Fred: The Movie/Transcript

For the first movie of the Fred movie trilogy, Fred: The Movie.

Transcript
(Fred races into his house, throws off his backpack and runs towards the camera.)

Fred: (He's joyful.) Hi, it's Fred! Today is Friday. Oh, my God! Say that fast and it sounds like "Fred Day."

(He sits at the dining room table.)

Fred: Friday, Fred Day. Friday, Fred Day.

(He's back in the living room.)

Fred: (He's excited.) Two whole days of no school and pure happiness. Oh, my gosh! If they decided this weekend to make the weekends the week and the week the weekends, that means we're going to have five whole days off and only two days of school. Oh, my gammit. I'm so excited! And then when there's a really important holiday, like President's Day, we only have one day of school. I think they might decide to do that this weekend!

(A cutscene shows a bird's-eye view of Fred's neighborhood and the movie name above it.)

(The map zooms in various locations, including Fred's house and school. As the school bell rings for the day, Fred unsuccessfully tries to talk with other students.)

Fred: Hey. Hi! Hi! Hi!

Student: (to a friend.) Are you serious?

Fred: See you guys tomorrow. See you! Yeah. Hey!

(Fred notices a group of girls interested in a blonde student.)

Girl: You've never surfed before?

Fred: (He giggles to himself.) Judy.

(The camera freezes to indicate the blonde student as Judy.)

Fred: (He sighs.) Hmm. Judy.

(Judy waves in Fred's direction.)

Fred: (He waves back.) Hey, hey!

(Fred suddenly gets bumped by other girls rushing towards Judy.)

Fred: (He's confused.) Huh?

(As Judy leaves the school and enters her mom's car, Fred continues to sigh dreamily and wave.)

(Fred stalks Judy's car going home. He takes tabs on where it passes by him, and hides where Judy or her mom could not see him while they pass by. Eventually, the car and Fred reach Judy's house.)

Fred: (He opens his arms.) Judy.

(Fred trips on a nearby trash can, but quickly hides before Judy or her mom could see him. When he sees them go inside their house, Fred stands up.)

Fred: (He sighs.) Judy.

(Fred enters his house. Meanwhile, a male passerby on his bike rides around Fred's neighborhood. The camera freezes and the name "Kevin" appears beside the passerby.)

(Fred is in his house, in the dining room.)

Fred: You might not have been able to tell, but that girl I walked home with, that hacking awesome girl...

(A picture of Judy appears on-screen.)

Fred: (He gasps.) ...that's Judy.

(Judy's picture disappears.)

Fred: Judy. She's my girlfriend, obviously. This weekend, it's crucial in our relationship because... (He tries holding in his words.) Wait for it, get ready, it's coming, hold on. (He releases his surprise.) I'm taking things to the next level with Judy. And she knows it, too. We've been inseparable lately.

(At school, Judy and her group of girls have a conversation as Fred stalks them from behind.) Judy: So, I was thinking of having a party this weekend.

Fred: (He speaks out loud.) Yeah, we've been thinking about it.

Judy: (to her friends.) But maybe I'll just have it next weekend.

Fred: (He speaks out loud again.) Yeah, we aren't really sure yet.

(Fred exclaims as he accidentally bumps into a student, losing sight of Judy.)

Judy: What do you guys think?

(Fred is playing different, random notes on his piano at home. He faces the camera when he finishes.)

Fred: I'm thinking I might have Judy over today. I'm not really sure. I mean, my mom won't mind. I have friends over all the time and she never cares. My dad doesn't care either, mostly because...

(He slightly hesitates to say why before speaking.)

Fred: ... he's not here. He's not with us. He's not dead. He's just not here. I can see how you might have misunderstood that. But, you know, it really doesn't even matter that I just have one parent because my mom loves me twice as much. And I pay her back by filling the whole, entire house with beautiful music.

(Fred slams the piano keys before the camera cuts to Fred singing "Fire Burning" by Sean Kingston on his bed.)

Fred: ♪ Somebody call 911! / Shawty fire burning on the dance floor! / Whoa! ♪

(Fred enters another room in his house.)

Fred: Every room in my house was constructed for a specific purpose. For instance, this room, my bedroom, was constructed to have a perfect view of Judy's house.

''Fred dreams about Judy. A close-up of Judy appears on-screen.)''

Fred: (He sighs.) Hi, Judy.

(Judy's close-up disappears.)

Fred: Fridays are usually my favorite day at school, but I need some food for my body because... (He yells.) ...today was the worst Friday ever!

(Fred has a flashback from outside the school, where Kevin, the same passerby, and two of his friends, bombarded Fred with dodgeballs and laugh.)

Fred: Leave me alone!

Kevin: (He mocks Fred.) Oh, he likes it. He likes it. Mommy.

(With each hit, Kevin and his friends yell in happiness, and Fred in distress.)

Kevin: (He's amused.) He likes it. Thank you! You want some more? Whoa!

(Judy and several other students notice the commotion.)

Judy: (She's annoyed.) Kevin, just leave him alone.

Kevin: No.

(As Fred keeps screaming, the flashback ends. In the present time, Fred is in the kitchen; he slams his refrigerator closed. He then heats up a plate of French fries in the microwave.)

Fred: If I don't get any food in my body, then there's gonna be no blood in my head and then my head might fall off 'cause there's no blood in it.

(A short daydream sequence starts. Fred's head falls off, causing his headless body to fail around and eventually fall.)

Fred: (He's agitated.) Oh, my gammit! I'm so upset about what happened at school that I almost ruined my snack.

(Fred lovingly takes out a slice of yellow cheese from his fridge.)

Fred: (He sighs.) Cheese.

(Fred places the cheese on his fries and heats his plate up in the microwave. After that, Fred takes his cheese fries out and sits down to eat.)

Fred: I say, "Oh, my gammit," because I'm not allowed to say bad words like—

(Fred leans into the camera.)

Fred: (He whispers.) — the "D" word.

(Fred moves into the living room.)

Fred: Anyhow, the thing that happened happened in music class. I love music class, because, well, I'm a great singer.

(The camera cuts to Fred singing "Fire Burning" on his bed again.)

Fred: ♪ 911! / Shawty fire burning on the dance floor! ♪

(The camera cuts back to Fred in the living room.)

Fred: You know who else is a great singer?

(A small cutscene plays where Judy, dressed as an angel, sings.)

Judy: ♪ Fred ♪ (She vocalizes.)

Fred: Judy. She sings like an angel, but like an angel who isn't dead because she will never die. She will live forever, until she dies.

(Another cutscene where Judy as an angel waves to the camera is shown. When it cuts to real life, Fred tries to eat cheese fry.)

Fred: (He stares hungrily.) Yum.

(Unfortunately for him, the fry is too hot and burns his mouth. Fred yeps and tries to spit it out.)

Fred: (He's painfully wheezing and gasping.) No! Hot cheese! Hot cheese! Hot cheese! Hot cheese! Hot cheese! I burned my tongue!

(Fred turns on the kitchen faucet and attempts to drink out of that but fails.)

Fred: Hot cheese! Hot cheese! Hot cheese!

(Fred races outside to his backyard, turns on the garden hose, and sprays it in his mouth. However, it also sprays water on himself.)

Fred: (He tries speaking through the water.) I'm drowning. (He gags.) Hot cheese.

(Fred is back in his house, with a towel wrapped around his head.)

Fred: I've decided not to have a snack after all because I want to stay trim for Judy. To be honest, me and Judy have hit a minor bump in our relationship, thanks to Kevin. Kevin is a big, fat nothing! And I cannot believe what I saw her doing with him today.

(A flashback where Kevin and Judy, along with the school choir, sings and dances to "Love Will Keep Us Together" by Neil Sedaka is shown. Kevin and Judy sing a duet in the song together.)

Kevin and Judy: ♪ You just got to be strong / Just stop ♪

Kevin: ♪ 'Cause I really love you ♪

Kevin and Judy: ♪ Stop ♪

Judy: ♪ I'll be thinking of you ♪

(A nearby Fred stares at the two people in despair, and then at disgust. He eventually stops dancing due to how off-key the two sound.)

Kevin and Judy: ♪ Look in my heart / And let love keep us together ♪

(Flashback ends, showing Fred standing in his bedroom.)

Fred: Oh, my God! They sounded terrible! It was like my mom trying to fit into her jeans.

(Fred is deciding on a clean shirt to wear in his drawer.)

Fred: (He's picking.) Hmm. Eenie, meenie, miney, moe. There we go.

(He picks out a shirt at the top of his drawer.)

Fred: It was horrible, I mean, and she didn't even notice it. You agree, right? I mean, Judy was up there and she seemed happy. I don't know if she was acting or what, but I have to tell her. Maybe I'll invite her over for a pool party and as we're lounging by the pool, I'll break it to her gently.

(Daydream sequence. Fred and Judy in swimsuits are lounging near a kiddie pool.)

Fred: (He mimics Judy's British accent during the daydream.) Judy, lover, you are a wonderful singer.

Judy: (She's flattered.) Oh, thank you, Fred.

Fred: But singing with Kevin, that was a mistake.

Judy: I need someone like you to be honest with me.

Fred: (He holds Judy's hand.) Don't worry, darling. I've just had a law passed that will have Kevin arrested for the way he sang to you.

Judy: (She's relieved.) That's such a relief!

(A police car arrives behind the two, near Kevin's house. Two police officers exit the car, and drag Kevin out in handcuffs.)

Kevin: (He's yelling.) Stop! Stop! Stop!

(He tries to sing "Love Will Keep Us Together" to flatter the officers, but with no avail.)

Kevin: (He tries fighting his way out.) ♪ 'Cause I really love you / Stop, I'll be thinking of you ♪

(Kevin is pushed inside of the police cab.)

Fred: Anyone ever sings to you like that again, just tell me and I'll take care of it, darling.

Judy: (She blushes.) You're so romantic, Fred.

(Fred hands a red rose over to Judy as a gift. The police car drives away from them, and Kevin screams as the daydream sequence ends.)

(Fred's neighborhood map appears. Three arrows also appear to point at Fred's house, Judy's neighboring house, and a solid rock wall lodged between the two houses.)

Fred: (off-screen) Just beyond that wall over there is Judy's house. She's only a few feet away...

(Fred is shown extending his hand towards the wall.)

Fred: (He's in despair.) ...and I can't reach her.

(Fred uses his deflated kiddie pool as a breathing bag.)

Fred: They put up that wall to keep us apart.

Girl: What are you doing, Fred?

(Fred turns around and sees a girl bouncing on his trampoline.)

Fred: (He sighs.) What does it look like I'm doing, Bertha?

(The camera points at Bertha and freezes when she appears over her fence. Her name appears on-screen.)

Bertha: Judy thinks it's silly that you have a kiddie pool.

(Fred stops inflating his pool and laughs nervously.)

Fred: I don't care what Judy thinks. Why would I care what Judy thinks? What makes you think that? I mean, it's just Judy.

Bertha: (She laughs.) Okay, you're not going swimming?

Fred: (He stammers while struggling to kick his pool away.) No, I'm not going... That's lame. Really, really lame.

Bertha: Well, I think I might go swimming.

Fred: Have fun!

Bertha: TTFN.

(When Fred thinks Bertha is gone, he tries kicking his pool again, only to trip over it.)

(Fred rushes inside his house, panicking but relieved at the same time. He faces the camera.)

Fred: Oh, my God, that was almost so embarrassing! Thank God I didn't invite Judy over for the pool party. Sometimes I think I don't know anything about women. I need some advice. I wish my dad was here.

(Fred is seen in the living room.)

Fred: Dad, what do you think I should do?

(Fred hears a creaking noise and turns to find Fred's dad, a buff man, sitting on a chair.)

Fred's dad: The secret is ruthless aggression.

Fred: It is?

Fred's dad: (He's aggressive.) You gotta look at yourself and say, "My time is now!" Show her what kind of man you really are. Use those talents. What are your talents, Fred?

Fred: (He stutters.) I am a good singer.

Fred's dad: (He yells.) No!

(Fred's dad picks up a flowerpot and smashes it on Fred's head.)

Fred: (He's in pain.) Ow!

Fred's dad: You're a great singer! You're the best! It is you who take mere words and make them melodious love. Are you with me?

Fred: (He's enthusiastic.) Yes!

Fred's dad: (He's motivating Fred.) You've got to fire up!

Fred: (He's more enthusiastic.) I'm with you, Dad!

Fred's dad: Well, good. Just remember, it's probably gonna get cold outside. Bring a sweater, okay?

Fred: Okay, Dad. Thanks.

(After Fred's dad disappears, Fred is shown sitting in the living room at a different angle.)

Fred: (He's thinking.) That's it! I've gotta invite Judy over so we can harmonize together. And then she'll forget all about Kevin 'cause harmonizing with me will be so much smoother.

(Daydream sequence. Judy and a 1980s disco man duet on "Solid" by Ashford & Simpson while Fred watches above them.)

Judy and man: ♪ And soon both of us learned to trust / Not run away, it was no time to play / We build it up and build it up and build it up ♪

Fred: (He growls.) Wow.

Judy and man: ♪ And now it's solid / Solid as a rock / And nothing's changed it ♪

Man: ♪ The thrill is still ♪

Judy and man: ♪ Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot ♪

(Daydream sequence ends.)

Fred: (He's combing his hair.) This is it! I'm gonna go over to Judy's house and invite her over to sing with me.

(As Fred crosses a hallway to another room, he sprays perfume over himself.)

Fred: (He's ecstatic.) I'm so excited! (He sighs.) I smell beautiful! Nothing is going to come between our love, Judy, nothing!

(Fred looks outside a window to find Kevin dancing to loud hip-hop music.)

Fred: (He's anxious.) Oh, my gammit! Kevin! I'm not going out there. If I go out there and ask Judy to come over in front of Kevin, he's going to undermine my self-confidence. Maybe he won't notice. I've got to try! Here I come to harmonize with you, Judy.

(He sings with the "la" syllable.)

(Fred opens his door to step outside.)

Fred: (He's confident.) I'm gonna do it! I can do it!

(As Fred exits his house, Kevin notices him and stops dancing.)

Kevin: Hey, Figglehorn, where you going? Huh?

Fred: (He gasps in surprise.) None of your business, Kevin.

Kevin: (He chuckles.) Okay, what, are you going to Judy's house for a little playdate, huh? You gonna do... (He moans as if to imitate kissing.) Huh? You gonna do a little bit of that? Huh?

Fred: (He's slightly exasperated.) Kevin, that's not what I was gonna do, okay?

Kevin: Dude, she hates you, man. Why can't you just get that through your head, dude? She hates you. She tells me all the time. I mean, she came over yesterday, and, like, dude, you know...

Fred: (He's disbelieving.) She hates you, Kevin. I see how you misunderstood it, because she hates you.

Kevin: (He's shocked.) She doesn't hate me! (He stammers a little.) We're on a first-name basis.

Fred: Yeah, she hates everyone who can't sing, Kevin.

(Kevin slowly walks toward Fred and his house.)

Kevin: (He throws open his arms.) I can sing. This whole neighborhood knows, you know? You know? The whole neighborhood knows I can sing.

(Fred is shaking his head in the distance.)

Kevin: (He's growing more determined.) I can sing, dude! I mean, she hears me all the time, man! I'm perfect. I got perfect pitch! I've been told since day one I have perfect pitch! (He yells to try singing.) Man, I could reach... I could reach all the notes.

Fred: (He's confused.) That's weird because I overheard Judy saying that she thinks you suck at singing.

Kevin: (He furiously storms towards Fred.) Oh, you're going to get it! You're gonna get it, Figglehorn! You want some of this?

Fred: (He's terrified.) She said it! I didn't.

Kevin: You want it?

(Fred shrieks and sprints into his house before Kevin could beat him up.)

Kevin: This is my cul-de-sac! It always has been and it always will be, baby!

(Kevin whoops and enters his house as a Bekins moving truck parks near Judy's house.)

(Back in Fred's house, he slams his door shit and locks it.)

Fred: (He's angry.) I can't believe that idiot, Kevin, ruined everything! I was so close.

(The door rattles, which spooks Fred. He gasps and tries keeping it shut.)

Fred: Oh, my gosh! Kevin is trying to get inside the house.

(Fred starts to hallucinate Kevin's voice behind the door, off-screen.)

Kevin: (He's yelling off-screen.) Fred.

Fred: (He's desperate.) Go home, Kevin!

Kevin: (off-screen) Figglehorn!

Fred: Get away from my house!

Kevin: (off-screen) Hey!

Fred: I will call the police!

Kevin: (off-screen) Fred!

Fred: I'm calling the police right now!

Kevin: (off-screen) Figglehorn!

Fred: I already called the police and they said that if you don't stop, you're going to go to prison with the fattest people ever!

Unknown: (off-screen) Fred, open the door!

Fred: (He realizes.) Oh. Mom! Sorry.

(Fred's mom yanks the door open and shut as he impatiently enters the house.)

Fred: (He's amazed.) You're strong.

Fred's mom: (She's agitated.) Fred, what's going on in here?

Fred: Mom, I thought someone was gonna attack me. Although, I don't know why anyone would want to.

Fred's mom: Maybe because of your voice!

(As Fred's mom leaves Fred, he realizes he has to tell her something and calls for her.)

Fred: Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Fred's mom: (off-screen) What, sweetie?

Fred: I'm going to have a friend over so we can sing, okay?

Fred's mom: Honey, no singing. I'm taking a nap.

(Fred's mom walks upstairs to her room.)

Fred: Mom, we'll be quiet.

Fred's mom: (off-screen) Can't hear you. I'm taking a nap.

(Outside, Kevin is riding his bike. Fred watches from behind his window.)

Fred: (He's frustrated.) Kevin!

(Fred forcefully sits in a nearby couch.)

Fred: I can't go over there and ask Judy to my house with Kevin out there. He'll embarrass me. Judy has such a beautiful Southern accent. I know it would harmonize perfectly with my normal human accent. I don't know what to do.

(Fred's dad enters and stands in front of Fred.)

Fred's dad: What's wrong with you? Have I taught you nothing?

Fred: (He's relieved.) Dad!

Fred's dad: (He's energized.) No son of mine is going to sit here and hide from Kevin!

(Fred's dad throws his son over his shoulder and slams him onto a table.)

Fred's dad: Yeah! My house! (He notices Fred lying down.) Sorry, kid.

Fred: I don't want Kevin to make fun of me in front of Judy.

(Fred's dad holds his son in a chokehold.)

Fred's dad: Make fun of you? Sometimes you don't use these muscles, you use this muscle.

(As Fred's dad indicates his muscles, he points to the bicep, and then Fred's brain.)

Fred's dad: You gotta out-think Kevin. You gotta find another route.

Fred: Dad, the only other route is blocked by the wall.

Fred's dad: The wall is nothing. It was put there to keep you and your true love apart.

Fred: I knew it!

Fred's mom: (off-screen) I am taking a nap.

Fred: (He whispers.) I knew it.

(Fred semi-consciously flips the chokehold and pins his dad under his arm.)

Fred: (He's confident.) My time is now!

Fred's dad: Your time is now.

Fred: (He's more confident.) My time is now!

Fred's dad: Your time is now.

Fred: (He unconsciously chokes his dad.) My time is now!

Fred's dad: (He's struggling to breathe.) Time-out. Time-out, now.

Fred: (He realizes.) Oh!

(After Fred releases his dad, his dad coughs for air.)

Fred: (He's apologetic.) Sorry, Dad.

Fred's dad: It's good. (He pushes his son down on the couch.) You're ready.

Fred: (He stands up.) Thanks, Dad.

Fred's dad: Before you go...

(He rubs his fingers on his chin, then on Fred's chin.)

Fred's dad: A little schmutz.

(Fred is in his backyard, pointing at the rock wall behind him.)

Fred: Once I get over that wall, I can go up to Judy's back door and ask her to come over. I've never even seen Judy's back door, but I bet it's really nice.

(Fred carries a small trampoline with him.)

Fred: I'm going to use this to make a flying leap over the fence. And then me and Judy are gonna walk back over to my house, really proudly. And then Kevin is gonna be all confused and he won't be able to do anything. And then we'll be back into my house before he even knows it.

(Fred drags the trampoline near the wall.)

Fred: And this is the trampoline, and I got it from my mom. She uses it to train for work. I'll bet you Kevin never would have thought of this.

(Once Fred drops the trampoline, he cups his hands around his moth and yells, presumably in Kevin's direction.)

Fred: Stupid Kevin!

(Fred laughs heartily as he jumps with his butt facing the camera. He points at his butt.)

Fred: Kiss this, Kevin!

(Fred faces the trampoline, ready to jump.)

Fred: Here I come, Judy!

(Fred runs towards the trampoline, but misses the jump and trips multiple times.)

Fred: (He's strapping head protection on.) I'm coming, Judy. Just hold on.

(Once again, Fred trips and bashes into the wall, screaming as he falls.)

Fred's mom: (off-screen) Fred, are you okay?

Fred: I hurt myself while trying to get to Judy's.

Fred's mom: (She's slightly concerned.) Do you need to go to the hospital?

Fred: No, I don't think so.

Fred's mom: Then I'm taking a nap!

(A few minutes later, Fred has a work helmet with a light attached to his head. He sighs after he's finished.)

Fred: This is better, much less dangerous.

(Fred uses a shovel to dig under the wall, making a hole on the ground.)

Fred: (He drops his shovel.) Ow.

(Fred struggles to make the hole deeper.)

Fred: (His shovel is stuck.) Digging is hard. (He painfully falls.) Ow!

(Fred continues digging.)

Fred: I'm coming for you, Judy, just hold on! (to himself.) Don't give up.

(After some time, Fred has built a noticeably deeper hole.) Fred: ♪ I've been digging in the tunnel / All hacking day ♪

(Fred pops out of the hole, his shovel now shrunken.)

Fred: Okay. Going back down. It takes forever to get to Judy's house underground.

(Fred encounters a mysterious wire in his way.)

Fred: (He's intrigued.) Oh! What's this?

(He stabs the wire, which electrocutes him and causes a power outage in his neighborhood. Meanwhile, Kevin's house's electricity goes out, which surprises Kevin and makes him fall from his treadmill.)

Kevin: (He's groaning.) Mom!

(Back at Fred's hole, Fred (with a deeper voice due to the electrocution) yells with joy.)

Fred: Awesome!

(Fred's normal voice returns to him as he stops getting electrocuted.)

Fred: Oh, my gammit, that was awesome! I'm coming, Judy. I have butt-loads of energy. Here I come!

(Fred finally digs out of his hole, popping out of the ground.)

Fred: (He's overjoyed.) I'm here!

(Fred stares in confusion at two Asian children staring back at him, also in confusion.)

Fred: (He's horrified.) Oh, my gammit! I dug all the way to China!

(As Fred screams, he retreats into his hole and back into his house.)

(The camera cuts to a mailman delivering mail to the house next to Fred. It then moves to Fred taking a bath in his house.)

Fred: (He's thinking.) I figured out what I'm going to do! I'm gonna disguise myself. Kevin will never recognize me. He'll be totally fooled and I'll walk up to Judy's door and rip off my disguise and she'll think it's a joke and then she'll laugh and then I'll laugh and then we'll both be laughing.

(Fred sniffs his arms.)

Fred: Mmm! I'm gonna smell like green apples.

(Back in Fred's bedroom, Fred is wearing his clothes.)

Fred: I have the perfect disguise. I ordered it from the back of a comic book and it is amazing. It's an invisibility suit and it's gonna make me completely invisible.

(Fred digs out a box with the words "Invisibility Cloak" at the top of its lid.)

Fred: Here it is. I've been waiting to use this.

(Daydream sequence. Fred puts on his disguise.)

Fred: (He's amazed.) Whoa! See you guys later.

(He disappears completely, and becomes fascinated by his invisibility.)

Fred: (off-screen) Wow, that was totally worth $6.98, plus shipping and handling.

(Fred leaves his house. Meanwhile, Kevin is playing with a ball when he notices various objects outside of Fred's house rustling.)

Kevin: (He's confused.) Huh? What's going on here?

Fred: (off-screen) Where am I, Kevin? (He knocks over Kevin's bike.) I'm here!

Kevin: (He's shocked.) Whoa!

Fred: (off-screen) No, I'm not. I'm over here. Think fast.

(Fred grabs various items from Kevin, including his ball and cap.)

Kevin: (He's terrified.) What?

Fred: (off-screen) Watch out.

(Fred throws Kevin's ball at Kevin's face, slightly dazing him.)

Kevin: Jesus!

Fred: (He's taunting off-screen.) What are you gonna do, Kevin?

(Fred hits Kevin with the ball again.)

Kevin: Where are you?

Fred: (off-screen) Behind you.

(Fred hits Kevin with the ball repeatedly, where Kevin yelps each time he is hit.)

Fred: (off-screen) What's over here? Oh, oh, oh. Does baby want the ball? Watch out!

Kevin: Stop!

Fred: (off-screen) Are you gonna cry? (He laughs.)

(Kevin tries to retreat into his house.)

Fred: (off-screen) Does baby Kevin need his mommy?

(Kevin screams for help and trips over his bike as Fred pelts Kevin with the ball, laughing at Kevin's misfortune. Daydream sequence ends as Fred laughs in the present day.)

Fred: (He opens the cloak's box.) Here goes nothing.

(Fred becomes delighted upon seeing himself in his cloak.)

Fred: Oh, my gosh! It's such a weird feeling.

(Fred waves a bright shoe around.)

Fred: Floating shoe. Who's doing it? I don't know. Must be someone invisible.

(Fred dances, only to find his reflection in the mirror.)

Fred: (He's very puzzled.) What the heck? Okay. Maybe I just didn't do it right. One, two, three.

(Fred tries doing as many dances and gestures as he could to be invisible, with no luck.)

Fred: (He's very frustrated.) Gammit!

(Fred yells as he tries trashing his cloak, but gets his foot stuck in a basket downstairs.)

Fred: I guess I have to find a better disguise.

(Fred sneaks in his mom's bedroom, past his snoring mom. He rummages through her closet to make up a disguise.)

Fred: (He's approving multiple clothes.) Mmm-hmm. Oh! Ooh! Boy, do I wish I could pull that one off.

(Just before Fred steps outside his house with his disguise, a Bekins moving truck drives away from Judy's house. A dancing Kevin notices Fred trying to strut, but cannot pinpoint who he is.)

Kevin: (He's puzzled.) Wait, what? What?

(Fred knocks on Judy's door and rings her doorbell several times.)

Fred: Judy, I'm here!

Kevin: (He's realizing.) Is that Fred?

(Fred gaps upon noticing a suspicious Kevin storming towards him. He looks into Judy's window, only to find an Asian family with the same two Asian children Fred met earlier playing something. A man inside points toward Fred in confusion, causing Fred to gasp in horror.)

Kevin: I'm gonna get you!

(Fred sprints into his house before Kevin could approach him.)

(Fred slams the door closed to throw off his disguise. He faces the camera.)

Fred: (He's panicking.) Oh, my gammit! Asian people kidnapped Judy. What do I do? I've got to call the police, and the cops, and the FBI, the CIA and the FBI, and the Army, and the cops and the SWAT team. And...

(Fred stops to pant, remembering that he doesn't know any of said groups' phone numbers.)

Fred: I don't even have an emergency number. I don't know who to call. I don't even know a number to call.

(Fred remembers what to do, when he recalls a flashback to him singing "Fire Burning" on his bed.)

Fred: ♪ Somebody call 911! ♪

(Flashback ends.)

Fred: That's who I have to call.

(Fred dials his phone to call 911.)

911 dispatcher: (off-screen) 9-1-1, what's your emergency?

(The phone cord stops Fred from walking any further.)

Fred: (He's desperate.) Hello, this is Fred, Fred Figglehorn. And I'm here to tell you that my girlfriend, Judy, has been kidnapped by Asian people. Asian people have stolen my girlfriend and her stuff and her family.

911 dispatcher: (off-screen) Sir...

Fred: Although, if you ask her if she's my girlfriend and she says no, it's because we haven't told a lot of people yet and we were kind of keeping it on the down-low, you know, people will be jealous, you know? (He starts panicking again.) Anyways, she's gone!

911 dispatcher: (off-screen) Sir, you need to calm down.

Fred: Calm down?

(Fred's phone loses connection and clicks.)

Fred: Hello?

(A dial tone drones in the phone's background, prompting Fred to hang up and sigh.)

Fred: That is really frustrating that the police won't even help me. Her kidnappers could be anywhere by now. She's going to have such a horrible life!

(Fred's mom enters, having woken up from her nap.)

Fred's mom: (She's dazed.) Fred, what is your problem?

Fred: Mom! Mom, wake up! Wake up right now!

Fred's mom: (She's grouchy.) I am up.

Fred: Mom, Judy has been kidnapped. They took all of her stuff! She might be dead! I don't even know!

Fred's mom: What are you talking about?

Fred: Her house, it's completely empty.

Fred's mom: Maybe that's because they moved.

Fred: (He's disbelieving.) What?

Fred's mom: (She's apathetic.) They sold their house to the Tangs and they moved. Got their address right here. They asked me to forward their mail. I'll get it to them.

Fred: (He gasps.) Judy moved? Where to?

Fred's mom: I don't know. They asked me to forward the mail. I...

Fred: (He's upset.) Why didn't you tell me?

Fred's mom: Because Freddy, I... (She drops the mail.) I didn't know you'd be so upset. I wrote the address.

Fred: (He's yelling.) Mom! She's my girlfriend! (He whimpers.) Judy.

Fred's mom: Freddy. I'm getting their mail, I'm tossing it. All right, honey, relax. I'm going out. Be a good boy. You're a good boy.

(Fred's mom exits, leaving a heartbroken Fred behind.)

Fred: (He grumpily stands up.) Judy moved!

(For some time, Fred throws a temper tantrum and trashes the entire house. Upon seeing its destruction, he promptly cleans it up.)

(At night, Fred cannot stop crying in bed.)

Fred: (He's devastated.) ♪ Judy moved away / I'm so in love, / it hurts so much ♪ (He vocalizes.)

(Fred's mom overhears her son in the next room.)

Fred's mom: (Her voice is muffled.) Freddy, please, go to sleep!

Fred: (He flips over.) ♪ My heart is broken and my mom doesn't even care ♪

(Fred hums, then snores, and promptly falls asleep.)

Fred's dad: (off-screen) Fred!

(Fred's dad's muscular arm reaches out and clamps Fred's mouth shut.)

Fred's dad: It's go time!

(Fred's dad yanks his son out of bed.)

(Fred and his dad drive out into the night on a truck.)

Fred: (He's crying.) Dad! What's wrong?

Fred's dad: (He's very focus on he road.) It's Judy. She's been kidnapped by kidnappers.

Fred: (He whispers.) Kidnappers? Who are they?

Fred's dad: Her parents.

Fred: (He gasps.) No!

Fred's dad: Luckily, in the final minutes, she sent us a transmission.

(A computer planted inside the truck beeps.)

Fred's dad: Check it out. It's right there.

(As soon as Fred opens the computer, the Dora the Explorer theme and an episode of the show plays. Fred stares at his dad in confusion.)

Fred's dad: (He switches what's on the screen.) That's classified. Pay no attention to that.

(The computer catches a signal.)

Fred's dad: The transmission!

Judy: (She's relieved.) Oh, Fred!

Fred: (He's also relieved.)Judy!

Judy: There's so much that I wanted to say to you, or sing to you or sing with you. That's all I've ever wanted. You've always known that to be true, right?

Fred: (He's holding back tears.) Yes, Judy! Yes!

Judy: I knew you did.

Fred: Okay, Judy, listen carefully.

Judy: Yes, Fred?

Fred: You are under a bed right now.

(Judy is suddenly pulled from under the bed. A horrified Fred watches the screen.)

Fred: (He's sobbing.) No! Judy, no!

Fred's dad: (He's calm.) Relax. We are going to rescue her.

(Fred's dad takes another look at his son.)

Fred's dad: Hey, hey, hey! Why don't you have your seat belt on?

Fred: Oh! Sorry, Dad.

(Fred hastily puts on his seat belt.)

Fred: I hope Mom doesn't get worried if she notices I'm not home in the middle of the night.

Fred's dad: She knows exactly where you are.

Fred's mom: I've got your mail right here.

(Mistaking Fred's dad's truck as Judy's parents' truck, Fred's mom activates her automatic machine gun from behind and aims it at the truck.)

Fred's mom: Take that! Don't mess with my son!

(The previous events in the middle of the night are revealed to be a dream, as Fred suddenly wakes up in the morning, panting.)

Fred: What a crazy dream! I think I know what it means.

(Fred races downstairs to face the camera.)

Fred: (He realizes.) I got it! Judy wants me to come find her. We have a psychic connection. And the dream is the only way she could possibly communicate with me.

(In Fred's room, he uses a computer to find Judy's address.)

Fred: I found Judy's address on this map. 56 Meadow Lane. Sounds beautiful, doesn't it? Meadow.

(A short cutscene plays where Judy is standing in a beautiful meadow, with birds chirping around her.)

Fred: I wonder what Judy's house looks like.

(After some typing, Judy's new house shows up on Fred's computer screen.)

Fred: (He's admiring the house.) Whoa! It's nice, geez! If I zoom in, I wonder if I can see her. ♪ Zoom, zoom, zoom ♪

(As Fred zooms in the house's window, he is disgusted to find a man with hairy legs using the bathroom inside.)

Fred: (He gasps.) Ew! That must be the guy who lived there before her. Oh! That is sick! He pooped inside her bathroom. The ghosts of that guy's poops will be inside Judy's bathroom forever. What if they come back to life, huh?

(Fred zooms out of the window.)

Fred: I have got to get Judy out of that house. There's only one problem, the woods.

(Fred hallucinates a wolf howling in the distance.)

Fred: I have to avoid the woods.

(Fred hallucinates the same wolf again.)

Fred: I have to. I mean, I'd be way too scared to go back in there after what happened to little Evan Weiss.

(Fred has a flashback to when he was playing ball with Evan Weiss, a young, ginger-haired boy when he was a child. Unfortunately, Fred accidentally throws it too high, through a thick bush.)

Evan Weiss: I'll get it!

(Evan Weiss runs into the woods to retrieve the ball, but a roar is heard in the distance. Young Fred pees his pants upon hearing the roar. The flashback ends with present-day Fred is shuddering and holding a phone.)

Fred: Little Evan Weiss, he never came out of those woods, never, scary.

(Fred dials 911 on the phone.)

911 dispatcher: (off-screen) 9-1-1, what's your emergency?

Fred: I need to know what bus to take from my house to Judy's house, avoiding the woods.

911 dispatcher: (She's confused off-screen.) Sir, I think you meant to dial 4-1-1. This line is for emergencies only.

Fred: (He laughs.) This is an emergency! Judy moved away and I have to get to her house so I can invite her over to my house so we can sing together.

911 dispatcher: (off-screen) Sir, please dial 4-1-1.

(Fred's phone loses connection, and a dial tone drones in the phone's background. Fred hangs up.)

Fred: (He scoffs.) Rude.

(Fred packs up the food he needs to travel.)

Fred: Turns out that there's a bus that takes me exactly one block from Judy's new address. It's called the Number 7 bus.

(An image of a sign that reads "Bus Stop" and "7" is shown.)

Fred: I have no idea how long it's gonna take me to get to Judy's house. So, I'm just preparing for the worst. I mean, it could take days, weeks.

(Fred pulls out a big bottle of ketchup.)

Fred: (He's contemplating whether to bring it.) Will I need ketchup? Probably not, but it could be dangerous out there.

(Daydream sequence. Fred, dressed in a mysterious outfit, shakes the ketchup bottle. The entire scene plays in slow-mo.)

Fred: (He yells.) I'm coming for you, Judy!

(Fred is repeatedly sprayed with ketchup, with gunshots playing in the background.)

Fred: (He's screaming.) Oh, God!

(Fred is still sprayed. He tries covering himself, to no avail. Daydream sequence ends, where he disregards the ketchup bottle.)

Fred: I hate ketchup! Should be enough.

(Fred attempts to lug his bag of food around, but falls due to its weight. A can falls on top of him.)

Fred: (He's in pain.) Ow!

(While Fred's mom is snoring in her bed, Fred sneaks in her room. He accidentally bumps over her purse, but he finds find her wallet inside, gets some money inside, and sneaks out.)

Fred: I didn't know how much the bus costs, so I took $25.

(Fred is seen exiting a room, decked out with travel equipment.)

Fred: Well, here I go. (He sighs.) Wish me luck.

(Fred retrieves his Invisibility Cloak from the basket downstairs.)

Fred: What? It might rain.

(After stashing his Cloak in his travel coat, he exits the house.)

Fred: Judy. (He gets determined.) I'm gonna do it. I can do this.

(A map showing Fred's whereabouts and route to Judy's house is shown. As he walks, Kevin, on his bike, rides up to him.)

Kevin: (He's intrigued.) Hey, Figglehorn! Where you going?

Fred: None of your business, Kevin.

Kevin: (He chuckles.) What? Are you going to a butt-face convention? Huh?

Fred: I'm just gonna ignore you.

Kevin: Well, you're not ignoring me because you just talked to me.

(Fred notices a white cast on Kevin's right arm.)

Fred: What happened to your arm, Kevin? Did you make a fake cast so everyone would feel sorry for you?

Kevin: No, it's not fake. Actually, some guys tried to steal my bike and I beat 'em up. But it doesn't even matter because five girls already signed it, so...

(Fred notices something suspicious about the cast.)

Fred: Why did they all use the same pen?

Kevin: (He shouts.) Because girls like the color red!

Fred: (He mutters to himself.) I bet God pushed him down because he hates the way he sings.

Kevin: (He's defendant.) What did you say?

Fred: (He laughs nervously.) I never said anything. I'm ignoring you, Kevin.

Kevin: Then why do you keep talking to me, Figglehorn? Where are you going, anyway?

Fred: (He's slightly annoyed.) Why do you care? I'm not gonna tell you.

Kevin: All right, then. I'll just follow you all the way there. How would you like that?

Fred: (He stops walking.) Well, I'm here.

(Fred has reached his bis stop. Upon seeing the bus stop sign, Kevin bursts out laughing.)

Kevin: You have to take the bus? That is so lame, man. I have girls take me where I want to go.

Fred: I have a girl.

Kevin: Oh, yeah? Who?

Fred: My mom.

Kevin: (He's incredulous.) Oh, my God, man! Is anybody listening to this? You're such a loser, dude! Where are you going? Huh? Where are you going? Huh? Where are you going, Fred?

(A bus approaches the bus stop.)

Kevin: (He's pushy.) Where are you going, Figglehorn? Huh? Where are you going? Is that your bus, Fred?

Fred: I'm not talking to you, Kevin!

Kevin: Is that your bus? Are you going to get on the bus?

(The bus doors open, and an elderly man is sitting at the driver's seat.)

Bus driver: Ain't got all day here.

(Kevin: (He's taunting.) I know! I know where you're going.

Fred: All right. Where am I going?

(Fred enters the bus as the doors close behind him. He faces the bus driver.)

Bus driver: Buck and a half.

Fred: Um...

Bus driver: (He's impatient.) Come on, kid. I got a schedule to keep here.

Fred: (He's taking out money.) Here's five. You can keep the change.

(Fred walks down the aisle past numerous adults, and gasping at their conditions.)

Fred: Hi. I think I'll sit back here.

(Fred realizes something's wrong.) Uh-oh.

Fred: I'm supposed to be on the Number 7 bus.

Unknown: (off-screen) This is the Number 6 bus.

(Fred turns around to find a kid in dark clothing sitting next to him.)

Boy: This is the Number 6 bus.

Fred: (He's jittery.) I know, but if Kevin knew all the bus routes and where they were going and if I got on the right bus, he would know where I was actually going. So, by getting on the wrong bus he would never know I was actually going to Judy's house.

Boy: (He's chill.) Dude, please. Chill out.

Fred: Sorry. I'm just really excited. I'm Fred. Fred Figglehorn.

(Fred holds his hand out for a handshake, but the boy ignores it.)

Boy: Derf.

(The camera freezes. Next to the boy is name "Derf." As both people go for a fist bump, Fred makes explosion noises.)

Derf: Dude, don't. That's lame.

Fred: Oh, right, I knew that.

Derf: So, who's Judy? Does she have a sister or something?

Fred: (He's dreamy.) She's my girlfriend.

Derf: (He's doubtful.) No, she's not.

Fred: (He's disbelieving.) What?

Derf: Judy is not your girlfriend.

Fred: (He admits.) You're right. How did you know?

(Derf snaps his fingers and points at his eyes.)

Derf: Lie detectors.

Fred: (He's amazed.) Cool! It's just Judy is such a smoking-hot babe. And just every time I see her, I just tingle.

Derf: She makes you pee?

Fred: (He's confused.) I said "tingle," not "tinkle."

Derf: Dude, take a joke.

Fred: I guess I'm a little weird.

Derf: Everybody is weird, man. All of us.

Fred: (He's confused again.) What's that supposed to mean?

Derf: (He sighs.) Don't think about it too much. It means something, though. Just process it.

Fred: (He's impressed.) Wow! You're like a god, Derf!

Derf: I know.

Fred: (He's chatty.) I wish I could be that cool around Judy. She's the most hacking awesome girl, ever! Yeah, we're for sure to get married, but obviously it's not going to be tomorrow. Although, I mean, I wouldn't mind that. The best day of sixth grade would have to be when Judy and I were assigned into the same math group, Green For Go, because it was the advanced group. The worst day would have to be the next day, when the teacher realized I wasn't supposed to be in the green group and whacked me really hard on the knuckles with a ruler.

(As Fred chats, Derf slaps himself several times in annoyance.)

Fred: You know, we're a really good, like, duo. Like, we're really good together.

Bus driver: End of the line!

Fred: (He's puzzled.) Huh?

Fred: (He yells louder.) End of the line!

Fred: (He's horrified.) You're gonna kill us?

Bus driver: (He's slightly confused.) No, it means you gotta get off.

Fred: Oh! Well, it was nice meeting you...

(Fred notices that Derf is gone from his seat.)

Fred: Derf? Derf? Oh! That's odd.

(Fred exits the bus to find himself at the Aquatic Center.)

Fred: (He's ecstatic.) Oh, my gammit!

(Fred stares at a giant pool and a water slide in front of him.)

Fred: Slide, slide. Slide, slide.

(Meanwhile, Bertha is lounging by herself next to the pool. She lowers her book and sees Fred.)

Bertha: Fred? What are you doing?

Fred: (He's startled to see her.) Bertha!

Bertha: I asked you a question. Are you dong-e-a-fong?

Fred: No! No, no. Not at all. (He tries comprehending Bertha's words.) What's "dong-e-a-fong"?

Bertha: Deaf. You add "ong" to each consonant. Dong-e-a-fong. What are you doing here?

Fred: Bertha, I can come to the pool if I wong-a-nong-tong.

Bertha: Yeah? Well, I've never seen you here before and you're not wearing a swimsuit.

Fred: This is my swimming suit. I mean, sometimes I just don't like showing my body too much because, you know, it's too much sex appeal.

Bertha: (She laughs.) Cute.

(Fred looks around and realizes that they're the only two people at the Aquatic Center.)

Fred: How come nobody's here? You're, like, the only one.

Bertha: Some kid pooped in the pool.

Fred: (He's very disgusted.) Ew!

Bertha: The good thing is now there's no line for the slide.

Fred: I have to go, anyway.

Bertha: Yeah, okay, sure.

Fred: (He slightly stutters.) I'm going to my friend's house. Girlfriend.

Bertha: Before you go, do you want to try something cool?

(After some time has passed, Fred is lodged under the ground, with only his head popping out of the sand.)

Bertha: Pretty fun, isn't it?

Fred: It's really fun! My neck is ho but my feet are cold! But what if I have to go to the bathroom?

Bertha: Don't be a wong-i-mong-pong. Well, I'm going swimming. Later! (She leaves.)

Fred: (He's adamant.) I'm not a wimp!

(A fly buzzes past Fred, and he tries to catch it. When he does, he eats the fly.)

Fred: (He's satisfied.) Mmm!

(Daydream sequence. Multiple people are entering the Aquatic Center, and Fred is still lodged under the ground. Meanwhile, in the pool, Judy is drowning.)

Judy: (She's struggling to breathe.) Help!

Woman: (off-screen) Somebody help her! I think she's drowning!

Fred: (He's frightened.) No, no, Judy! I'm trapped. Just wait one second, Judy!

(While drowning, Judy notices Fred stuck in the ground.)

Judy: (She's desperate.) Fred!

Fred: (He's frightened.) Judy!

(As a lifeguard exits the lifeguard tower, Kevin also notices Judy drowning.)

Kevin: Judy! I'll save you! (to the lifeguard.) Hey, bro! I got it!

(Realizing what he needs to do, Kevin pushes his way through the line for the water slide.)

Kevin: Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Move it, punk! (to Judy.) Judy, I'll save you! (He slides down.) Whoo!

(As Kevin carries Judy out of the water, they sing "Love Will Keep Us Together.")

Kevin: ♪ Love ♪

(Fred screams in horror.)

Judy: ♪ Love will keep us together ♪

(Kevin puts Judy down, and they walk together.)

Kevin and Judy: ♪ Think of me, babe, whenever ♪

Judy: ♪ Some sweet talking girl comes along ♪

Fred: (off-screen) Love won't keep you guys together. You guys don't love each other!

Kevin and Judy: ♪ Don't mess around / You just got to be strong ♪

Fred: (He's disappointed.) Why are you guys singing together?

Kevin: (He sings to Judy.) ♪ 'Cause I really love you / Stop ♪

Fred: Judy, Judy, I thought we were gonna take it to the next level. No! No!

(As Kevin and Judy sing, Kevin kicks Fred in the face, making him groan. Daydream sequence ends, and Fred realizes what he needs to do.)

Fred: (He remembers.) Oh, my gammit! Oh, my gammit! I've got to get going. I've got to get to Judy's house!

(Fred yells his way through the ground, and finally pops free, covered in sand. He grunts, pushing his body out. Meanwhile, Bertha is waiting for a pool employee to fish the poop she mentioned earlier out of the pool.)

Bertha: So, did you get the poop out of the pool, yet? No?

(Bertha sees Fred covered completely in sand.)

Bertha: Hey, Fred! You can't show up at Judy's house looking like that. She's gonna make fun of you!

Fred: (He's astounded at Bertha's knowledge.) How did you know I was going to Judy's house?

Bertha: I didn't until just now. So long, dong-o-o-fong-u-song.

(Fred leaves the Aquatic Center.)

(Fred enters a laundry store while dripping sand. He strips his clothes to put into a washing machine, much to the dismay of passing customers, including one big man with a manager's outfit on. He approaches Fred from behind.)

Manager: (He's disapproving Fred's choice.) What are you doing? You can't be naked in here.

Fred: I was going to leave my underwear on.

Manager: Yeah, well, nobody wants to see you in your underwear.

Fred: I beg to differ. I've been told my body's pretty attractive.

(Fred sings a little tune. Eventually, the manager angrily harmonizes with "Uh-huh, no"s every time Fred sings the phrase "Uh-huh, yeah.")

Fred: ♪ Uh-huh, yeah / Uh-huh, yeah ♪

(For the remainder of the tune, Fred and the customer vocalize in sync.)

Fred: ♪ Uh-huh, yeah / Uh-huh, yeah ♪

Manager: (He whisper-sings.) ♪ Uh-huh, no / Uh-huh, no ♪

Fred: (He sings louder.) ♪ Uh-huh, yeah / Uh-huh, yeah ♪

Manager: (He's getting agitated.) ♪ Uh-huh, no / Uh-huh, no ♪

(It does not take long before the two dance around each other.)

Fred: (He's obliviously jamming.) ♪ Uh-huh, yeah / Uh-huh, yeah ♪

Manager: (He sings, exasperated.) ♪ Uh-huh, no / Uh-huh, no ♪

Fred: ♪ Uh— ♪

(Fred stops singing out of fear of the manager.)

Manager: (He's stern.) Get your butt out of here.

(Fred makes haste by pulling out his clothes from the washing machine, and runs out of the store with the manager closely watching him.)

(Fred lugs his bag to a nearby car wash, while struggling to pull on his clothes. Two employees, one with a name tag reading "Harry," are inside of the car wash store.)

Fred: I'd like a regular cleaning.

Harry: Would you like a fragrance? (He sniffs Fred.)

Fred: Green apples.

Employee: (He's puzzled.) Green apples?

(Harry wheezes and laughs upon hearing Fred's request, and then leans into his microphone.)

Harry: Can I get, uh, green apples, please?

Fred: Will you watch my bag for me?

(Fred tosses his bag to the other employee, and races out the door.)

Harry: (He realizes something's odd.) Where's your car?

(Fred enters the car wash and is cleaned with soap and water, in front of other shocked customers. When he finishes, Harry and the other employee race outside to admire Fred's cleanliness and new hairdo.)

Harry: (He's astounded.) That was awesome.

(Several other employees dry Fred and the camera off, which morphs into a daydream sequence. Fred and Judy, dressed in old style hip-hop fashion, are sitting in a car, singing a song together.)

Fred: ♪ It's about to get frightening / 'Cause I'm out with no licence / She give me that ♪

Judy: ♪ Beep, beep ♪

Fred: ♪ I give her that ♪

Judy: ♪ Honk, honk ♪

Fred: ♪ She give me that ♪

Judy: ♪ Beep, beep ♪

Fred: ♪ Beep, beep ♪

Judy: ♪ Beep, beep ♪

Fred: ♪ Beep, beep ♪

Judy: ♪ Beep ♪

Fred: ♪ Beep ♪

Judy: ♪ Beep ♪

Fred: ♪ Beep ♪

Fred and Judy: ♪ Beep, beep, beep, beep ♪

(Daydream sequence ends. Fred is out on the road, still in his own mind.)

Fred: (He's pretending to drive.) ♪ Beep, beep, beep ♪

(A car horn suddenly alerts Fred to his whereabouts, causing him to scream. Fred notices a car screeching to a halt, and an annoyed driver.)

Driver: (She's irritated.) Get out of the road!

Fred: (He quickly exits the road.) Sorry.

Driver: (She notices Fred's strange hairstyle.) Nice hair, moron!

(Fred realizes that he indeed has a new hairstyle due to the effects of the car wash.)

Fred: (He screams.) Oh, geez!

(Fred, shaking out his hair, encounters a pet shop and looks into the shop window.)

Fred: (He's overjoyed.) Oh, my God! They sell squirrels! I love squirrels!

(Fred enters the pet shop, where two employees are managing the store.)

Pet shop employee #1: Customer!

Fred: (He runs to a cage.) Squirrels!

Pet shop employee #2: I'm busy.

Pet shop employee #1: And I'm grooming Lancelot.

Pet shop employee #2: (He's miffed.) And you're useless. (to Fred.) Yes, young man?

Fred: (He hunched over at Pomeranians.) Oh! Hey. I was just looking at the squirrels.

Pet shop employee #2: We don't have squirrels. You might want to go to a park or outside. We do have hamsters, though. They're in the rodent family if you want to take a look at them.

Fred: Um, I saw the squirrels and I just thought that they'd be the perfect present for Judy, so...

Pet shop employee #2: Look. I don't know her and I don't care to know her. Um, we can't help you, but presents are nice. I enjoy them.

Pet shop employee #1: (He whispers off-screen.) Gary! Gary!

(A reluctant Gary heads over to the employee, who has something to say to him.)

Pet shop employee #1: The young man believes the Pomeranians are squirrels.

Gary: (He's adamant.) I knew that.

Pet shop employee #1: I don't think you did.

Gary: (He calls for Fred off-screen.) Excuse me!

Fred: Yeah?

Gary: Come with me. Now, by squirrels, do you mean this? (He gestures to the Pomeranians.)

Fred: Yep! How much are they?

Gary: $795.

Fred: (He starts pulling out money.) Oh, okay.

Gary: (to the pet shop employee.) Lorenzo, can you ring us up? $795.

Fred: (He realizes.) $795? That's how much my mom makes a year! That is ridiculous!

Gary: (to Lorenzo.) Never mind, Lorenzo! He's broke.

Fred: Okay. Well, I'm just gonna be looking around. So, don't even... Don't even mind me.

Gary: I won't.

Fred: I won't even be here, I'll be leaving soon.

(Fred discreetly pulls a dog from an open cage and stuffs it in his shirt. The dog reluctantly yelps.)

Fred: Get in there. Yeah. (He giggles.) I've been wanting one of these for a while now.

(Gary and Lorenzo notice Fred smuggling the dog.)

Gary: What are you doing?

Fred: (He feigns ignorance.) What are you talking about?

Lorenzo: (He's direct.) Put the dog down.

Fred: (He's confused.) Dog?

Gary: (He covers for Fred's unknowingness.) Squirrel.

Lorenzo: Hey! Put the dog down.

Gary: Squirrel.

Fred: I don't have a dog, you psycho.

Lorenzo: (He pulls out pepper spray.) My God, Gary! He's a gang banger! This is Mace! I will spray you.

Fred: No!

Lorenzo: I will spray you in the eyes!

Gary: Lorenzo, what are you doing with Mace?

Lorenzo: Someone has to protect us.

Gary: This is not the time for your drama, okay?

Lorenzo: Put the dog back.

Gary: I will do it myself.

Fred: (He's still confused.) I don't have a dog!

Lorenzo: (to a customer.) Lady, clear out!

(The customer hastily retreats to the opposite end of the store.)

Lorenzo: Put the dog back.

Fred: It's not a dog!

Gary: (to Lorenzo.) Spray him, he's got crazy in his eyes.

Lorenzo: Stop. Put the dog back.

Fred: Leave me alone!

Lorenzo: Put the dog back!

Gary: Spray him! Just spray him!

Lorenzo: Don't tell me what to do!

(An overwhelmed Lorenzo accidentally sprays Gary with the pepper spray, causing Gary and Fred to scream.)

Lorenzo: Gary! Look what you've made us do!

Gary: (He's in pain, off-screen.) My beautiful eyes!

(Fred hastily puts the dog back and flees the store.)

Lorenzo: (to Fred.) Tell your friends not to mess with us!

(As Fred Leaves, Gary is still lying down in pain.)

Gary: This is worse than when you made me stay at the Marriott!

Lorenzo: I'm sorry.

(Fred runs past a man fixing his car.)

Fred: Oh! Hey, sir. Do you know how to get to Meadow Lane from here?

Man: (He speaks Spanish.) ¿Te quierés, amigo?

(The sentence "What do you want?" appears on-screen for the viewers.)

Fred: (He's confused.) What?

Man: (He speaks Spanish.) Lo siento, no hablo inglés.

(The sentence "Sorry, I don't speak English." appears on-screen.)

Fred: I can't understand you. I'm sorry.

Man: (He repeats his sentence.) Lo siento, no hablo inglés.

(The sentence "Sorry - I don't speak English." appears on-screen.)

Fred: Oh, my God! There's something wrong with me. Why is there a voice in my head that doesn't even make sense?

Man: (He's confused.) ¿Por qué te enojado?

(The sentence "Why are you upset?" appears on-screen.)

Fred: Are you a spaceman? Is that what you are?

Man: (He's miffed.) Ay, dios mío, no me gusta la entona de tus vos.

(The sentence "My God, you have a very annoying voice." appears on-screen.)

Fred: (He grows afraid.) You're doing something to me, aren't you? You're gonna ruin my brain!

Man: (He's more annoyed.) Debes volver a tus padres locos.

(The sentence "You must drive your parents crazy." appears on-screen.)

Fred: (He's terrified.) Get away from me, spaceman. I will not let you ruin my brain!

(As Fred runs away screeching, the man stares in wonder.)

Man: (He's in shock.) ¡Ese es un joven muy raro!

(The sentence "That is one weird kid!" appears on-screen.)

(Fred runs through various places while screeching. Eventually, he stops to catch his breath on top of a dam.)

Fred: Dam!

(The camera shows a shot of Fred on the roaring dam.)

Unknown: Dam, indeedy!

Fred: (He's startled.) Oh!

(In front of Fred is a man in a security guard's outfit.)

Security guard: Hey, watch that cussing. I'm just playing. It's a dam, it's what it is.

Fred: I was just looking.

Security guard: Good for you. You should look. Soak her in. Soak in all the dam beauty. I tell you what. She's the single greatest feat of engineering in the entire county. Hey, you know what this dam is made out of, don't you?

Fred: No.

Security guard: Sweat and ingenuity, friend. Sweat and ingenuity. (He laughs.)

Fred: Do you know how to get to the Number 7 bus?

Security guard: Oh, the Number 7 bus, well, it's just a quick, little jaunt through the woods right there.

Fred: (He gasps, frightened.) The woods!

Security guard: (He's reassuring.) Oh, no, no, no. Don't be scared. Don't be scared of the woods. You're not scared of the woods, are you?

Fred: (He's trembling.) I have to walk through the woods?

Security guard: There's nothing to be afraid of in the woods, except for what happened to... (He whispers.) ... little... Evan... Weiss.

(With each time the security guard whispers a word, Fred gasps and screams at the thought of Evan Weiss' disappearance.)

Security guard: But if you're scared, I'll tell you what you can do. You can just turn around and just go home. Be home with Mama.

Fred: Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea. Mama.

Security guard: Mama.

Fred: Mama.

Security guard: Mama.

Fred: Mama.

Security guard: (He mimics a baby.) "Mama, save me! I'm a big, grown baby who needs his mama!" What's wrong with you? You know what I'd do if I were you? I'd man up! I'd face my fears. I'd BS. I'd be somebody. That's me. Who are you?

(Fred pants as he contemplates his decisions.)

Security guard: Man up, man! Head into those woods. Face your fears. Do what I'd do. Look at the... Respect the badge! (He points to his uniform's badge.)

Fred: (He's more confident.) You're right. You're definitely right. I should go through the woods.

Security guard: (He's encouraging.) There you go.

Fred: Judy needs me right now.

Security guard: Do it for Judy.

(Fred steps closer to the direction of the woods.)

Fred: It's just the woods.

Security guard: It's just the woods.

Fred: It's no big deal.

Security guard: Go on!

Fred: I'm going to do it!

Security guard: Run! Run to Judy. Run to her!

(Fred sprints in the direction of the woods.)

Security guard: No running in the dam!

(A map shows Fred's direction into the woods, a giant acre of land. Fred approaches the enterance to the woods slowly.)

Fred: Okay. (He whimpers and checks himself.) I'm okay. Good.

(A loud roar in the woods sends Fred sprinting out of the woods. He soon regains his composure and travels deeper into the woods, occasionally getting startled by animal and woodland noises.)

Fred: (He reassures himself.) It's okay. It's okay. It's okay, Fred. ♪ Maybe if I sing, I'll feel better / This place isn't so nice / I never wanted to come back here / Because of little Evan Weiss ♪

Unknown: (off-screen) I like your song.

(A startled Fred turns and finds the living animal closest to him, which turns out to be a deer.)

Deer: You're a good singer. Mmm-hmm.

(Fred could not believe what he's witnessing.)

Deer: You should thank someone for a compliment.

(Fred screams when he realizes the deer was truly talking.)

Deer: (He yelps in surprise.) What's wrong?

Fred: (He tries to comprehend.) Well, you're talking! You're talking and you're a deer!

Deer: (He's unfazed.) Oh! For a minute there, I thought there was a wolf or something. Whoo! You scared me.

Fred: (He's incredulous.) Do all deers talk?

Deer: (He corrects Fred.) It's deer. Do all "deer" talk? The plural of deer is still deer. Just like moose. Nobody says "mooses" or "meese."

Fred: Do you all talk?

Deer: Some of us way too much. Hey, can I drop one with you?

Fred: Drop what?

Deer: A song.

Fred: (He's delighted.) Really? Okay.

Fred and deer: (They're slightly off-sync.) ♪ Walking through the woods but there was nothing to fear / Since I met my friend, the deer ♪

Deer: ♪ That's me ♪

(The two vocalize for a while.)

Deer: Stop! Hoofer time! Mmm.

Fred: You know, I don't even know why I've always been so terrified of the woods. I mean, now that I've actually came here, I realize it's not even that scary.

Deer: (He hears something suspicious.) I'm out of here.

(The deer leaps out of the way while an oblivious Fred still talks.)

Fred: I mean, the woods has got trees, deer, birds. I mean, there's just so much to it.

(A ginger-haired man with bushy hair and tight children's clothes approaches Fred while Fred is chatting.)

Fred: I mean, it's more than just, it's... (He stumbles upon seeing the man.)

Ginger-haired man: (He's ecstatic.) Fred! It's me! Evan! Evan Weiss! I got it!

Fred: (He's apprehensive.) Got what?

Evan Weiss: (He holds up a ball.) The ball! I got the ball! I got it.

(Fred screeches and takes off from Evan Weiss' direction.)

Evan Weiss: Tell my parents I'm okay!

(Fred finally sprints out of the woods, traumatized from the previous events. He finds a bus stop with a sign reading "7" on it, and sits down on a nearby bench. While he prepares a little tent for himself, Kevin's car drives near the bus stop.)

Kevin's mom: (She's driving the car.) Oh! Hey. Look, it's your little friend.

Kevin: (He rolls down his window.) Hey, Figglehorn! Do you need a ride? Do you need a ride? (He taunts and laughs.) What an idiot! Mom, drive around the block.

Kevin's mom: (She's miffed.) I'm not your chauffeur.

Kevin: (He yells.) Mom!

(As Fred yawns from his nap later, Kevin's car passes him again.)

Kevin: Hey, nice lean-to!

(Kevin laughs, then turns to face his mom.)

Kevin: One more.

Kevin's mom: (She's fed up.) Kevin, no. I am drawing the line.

Kevin: I'm gonna tell Dad.

Kevin's mom: (She's stern.) Don't tell him.

(Meanwhile, Fred picks up a can of sardines from his bag and starts to eat them.)

Unknown: (They're disgusted, off-screen.) What is that?

(Fred turns to the side and sees Derf sitting on the bench.)

Fred: (He's shocked.) Derf! How'd you get here?

Derf: Dude, my question needs to be answered first.

Fred: Sardines.

Derf: (He turns away.) Lunch fail, man.

Fred: I know. I don't actually like them, but when I packed my food, I forgot to pack a can opener and this is the only can that had a handy little opener on it. And I've been walking all over, so I'm really tired and I just got so hungry!

Derf: You've got to chill out, man.

Fred: (He lays down.) I'm going to bed. Will you wake me when the bus comes?

Derf: Maybe, but maybe not.

(After a couple minutes has passed, Bus 7 finally approaches the bus stop. Derf nudges Fred awake.)

Derf: (He gestures to the bus.) Bus, man.

Fred: (He's grateful.) Thanks, Derf! You're, like, the best friend I've ever had.

(They do a fist bump, and this time, Fred catches himself from doing explosion noises.)

Fred: Just kidding, obviously. I'm doing it! Wish me luck. I'm going to Judy's house!

(Derf holds his hand up as a farewell as the bus takes Fred away.)

(On the bus, Fred smells his personal hygiene.)

Fred: (He chokes at his smell.) Ugh.

(As Fred cleans his teeth, a woman carries around a Pomeranian, hoping someone would adopt it.)

Woman: You want it? Do you want it?

(Eventually, the woman approaches Fred. He turns to face her.)

Woman: Excuse me? I found this poor little animal wandering around all by himself.

(Upon realizing what the animal is, Fred reacts with delight and takes it from the woman.)

Fred: (He squeals.) A squirrel! It's a squirrel. I'll take it. This is my lucky day. Oh! Me and Judy will be your new parents and we'll love you forever.

(Fred snuggles up with his new pet.)

Bus driver: (off-screen) Meadow Lane!

Fred: Oh, my gammit, we're here! (to the Pomeranian.) You're gonna see your mama. Here we go.

(After the bus drops off Fred and his pet, he goes to Judy's house.)

Fred: (He's overjoyed.) Judy! Yes! Judy.

(In Judy's house, Judy is cleaning it, feeling overwhelmed.)

Judy: Mom, I hate it here! I want to move back to our old house.

Judy's mom: (Off-screen) Oh, stop complaining!

(Judy cries as she continues cleaning the house. Fred enters, acting suave and purposely deepens his voice.)

Fred: Hello, miss.

(Judy turns off the vacuum cleaner and faces Fred.)

Judy: Who are you? (She's relieved upon recognizing Fred.) Fred!

Fred: (He returns to his normal self.) It's me!

Judy: I knew you'd come for me! You got my psychic message.

Fred: (He nods eagerly.) I did. I brought you a gift, Judy.

(He hands over the Pomeranian to Judy.)

Judy: A squirrel! I love squirrels. Thank you!

Fred: (He brushes it off.) It's nothing.

Judy: However did you get here? It must have been so hard!

Fred: It was! I crossed the entire city to get to you, Judy, even the woods.

(A wolf howling in the distance startles the two people as they keep speaking.)

Judy: (She's impressed.) You went through the woods? (She's startled by a howl.) They're so dangerous. I've been worried about the wild animals.

Fred: I wasn't afraid of the wild animals, but I was afraid of... (He breathes.) ... little... Evan... Weiss.

Judy: He's alive?

Fred: He's very alive.

Judy: Oh, my God. I'm so impressed with you! You came all this way. But why?

Fred: To see you, Judy, and to invite you over to my house.

Judy: (She's delighted.) Oh, I'd love to come over to your house, to sing.

(Both of them hesitate for a moment before singling.)

Judy: ♪ Do ♪

Fred: ♪ Re ♪

Judy: ♪ Mi ♪

Fred: ♪ Fa ♪

Judy: ♪ So ♪

Fred: ♪ La ♪

Judy: ♪ La ♪

Fred: ♪ La ♪

Fred and Judy: (They lean for a kiss.) ♪ La, la, la, la ♪

(Fred is seen lying down of the ground, implying all of the moments after Kevin's car drove past Fred were a daydream, and his kiss was interrupted.)

Fred: ♪ La, la, la, la ♪

(Fred coughs and wheezes against some smoke. He realizes that his bus is here.)

Bus driver: (She steps outside, irritated.) Are you coming or ain't ya? Can't believe...

Fred: (He fully wakes up.) Oh, my God! The bus!

(Fred packs up everything and races towards the bus.)

(A map shows' the bus' route to Meadow Lane. After it drops Fred off, he musters his courage to enter Judy's house. Inside is a lot of people chatting, music playing, and decorations strewn around the house.)

Fred: (He tries finding Judy.) Judy! Judy, I'm here.

(Kevin, who is inside of the party, catches Fred looking for Judy.)

Kevin: (He's amused.) Fred?

(Everyone in the party stops talking and stares at Fred.)

Fred: (He's puzzled.) Where's... Where's Judy?

Kevin: (He's astounded.) Oh, my God. Guys, it's Fred!

(The partygoers burst out laughing.)

Kevin: What are you doing here, Fred?

Fred: I think I could ask you the same question, Kevin.

Kevin: Uh, no, you can't, 'cause I was invited and you weren't.

(Kevin's comrades laugh at Fred again.)

Kevin: So, get out, dude!

Fred: (He's determined.) This isn't even your house, Kevin. You can't just tell me to leave. What are all you guys doing in here anyway? I mean, are you just creeping around Judy's house or something?

Partygoer #1: What's it look like? It's a party.

Kevin: Yeah, it's a party! That you weren't invited to!

(The partygoers yell in awe at Kevin's comeback.)

Fred: Well, for your guys' information, Judy would be happy to have me here. I call her every night.

Partygoer #2: Oh, my God. What a loser.

(Fred hears Judy's footsteps arroaching him.)

Fred: Judy!

Judy: (She's surprised.) Fred!

Kevin: (to Judy.) Please tell me you didn't invite Figglehorn to this party!

(The partygoers chuckle at Kevin's comment.)

Judy: What are you doing here?

Fred: Don't you want to hear about how I got here? It's a crazy story.

Judy: Fred, I'm kind of in the middle of my party.

Kevin: (He pokes fun.) I think she just told you to leave, man!

(The partygoers roar with laughter again.)

Judy: (She whispers to Fred.) Maybe you shouldn't be here.

(Fred loses his cool for a little bit.)

Fred: (He mocks the party.) Judy? You're right. Maybe I shouldn't be here because, no offense to you, Judy, but this party is so lame!

(The partygoers stare around in awkward silence.)

Judy: (She's hurt.) This isn't lame. This is a good party.

Partygoer #2: (She holds up her phone.) Yeah. Now it is.

Partygoer #3: (off-screen) Now it is!

(As the partygoers laugh yet again, Judy turns to face Fred.)

Judy: This is so embarrassing, Fred.

Fred: (He's desperate.) Judy, why are you being like this?

Kevin: (He's laughing to himself.) Oh, my God. I can't do this.

Fred: (He's optimistic.) Judy, who are you? Where's the Judy I know? Huh? Show me her. Show me the old Judy.

Judy: (She's apologetic.) Fred, I think it would be better if you just left. I'm really sorry, Fred.

Fred: (He's heartbroken.) Judy, I've came all this way just for you!

Kevin: (He's apathetic.) This isn't a Girl Scout convention. We don't want any of your cookies.

(Kevin slams a slice of pizza directly on Fred's chest, pushing him back. The partygoers react with awe and record the entire scene.)

Judy: (She's not amused.) Kevin!

(Fred cannot handle the circumstances and vomits on the floor and on Judy, making the partygoers react with revulsion.)

Kevin: Take a look at that! He puked on her!

Judy: (She's disgusted.) That is disgusting! Oh, my gosh.

(A heartbroken Fred flees the scene, sobbing. Judy exits her house in search of him, but it is too late.)

Judy: Fred! Fred, wait!

(Meanwhile, at the party, Kevin tries to get a recording of the scene of Fred vomiting.)

Kevin: (to a partygoer.) Dude, you got to send that to me. You got to send that to me...

Partygoer #4: I got it! I got it!

(A downhearted Fred walks along the road after missing a few buses. Eventually, a bus approaches him from behind. A driver opens its doors.)

Bus driver: Hey, kid, you lost or something?

Fred: (He's down.) Kind of.

Bus driver: Where are you going?

Fred: Home.

Bus driver: All right. My shift's over.Get in and I'll take you.

Fred: (He stammers.) But I don't have another $5 bill.

Bus driver: (He's persistent.) Get in.

Fred: Thanks.

Bus driver: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pays to tip.

(For the duration of the ride, Fred sulks, stares out the window, and tries to take a nap. After some time, the bus pulls up at Fred's house.)

Bus driver: Take care, kid.

Fred: (He's feeling better.) Thanks.

(He holds his hand up in a fist bump, but the driver refuses.)

Bus driver: Don't. That's lame.

Fred: (He stares at his hand.) Oh.

(Fred dejectedly enters his house as the bus leaves.)

(Back at his house, Fred tries to keep himself under control, but fails and rants at the camera instead.)

Fred: (He's fuming.) That was so humiliating! I can't believe Judy had a party and didn't even invite me! She's not who I thought she was at all! I bet you that Southern accent of hers isn't even real. She's probably never even been to the South.

Fred's mom: (off-screen) Freddy, honey, who are you talking to?

(Fred is startled to hear his mom's voice from upstairs.)

Fred: (He's relieved to hear her.) Mom? (He becomes heartbroken again.) Mom! I'm really upset right now.

Fred's mom: Well, one of your friends just sent me a video about you on the computer.

Fred: (He's confused.) About me?

Fred's mom: Yeah. You got to check it out.

(Fred rushes to his computer, only to find a video of his humiliation earlier via YouTube. The partygoers are whooping.)

Boy: (off-screen) Oh, my God!

(Fred watches the entire video in horror, recoiling at the moment of him vomiting on Judy several times.)

Fred: (He's humiliated.) Oh, my gammit! This is so embarrassing!

(Fred is shocked to see the video's viewer count, which is rapidly rising.)

Fred: Forty-seven people have seen this already? That's more than my entire class! Fifty-one people now. Fifty-one. That's like three more people than last time! Who posted this?

(Fred reacts with revolt at the uploader's username.)

Fred: "KevSmellMyFart"? Kevin! Ugh! What a stupid username, and an even more stupid video! Gosh, why do people even want to watch other people on YouTube? It's weird! It's creepy! I don't get it. I just don't.

(As more people watch the video, Fred freaks out.)

Fred: Oh, my gosh! Another person just watched it! And another! Oh my gosh! In 60 seconds, 60 people will have seen this! This is horrible! Imagine how many people will have seen it in a year!

(Fred stops the video, feeling determined for revenge.)

Fred: Well, I'm not going to stand for this. No, no. I'm going to have a party, and no one's gonna be invited!

(Fred races to Kevin's house and his rings its doorbell. Kevin's mom opens the door and clears her throat to alert Fred.)

Kevin's mom: Hi, Fred.

Fred: Hi, Mrs. Libo. Is Kevin here?

Kevin's mom: Oh! He is! Come on in! (to Kevin.) Kevin! Your friend is here.

Kevin: (He shouts off-screen.) Mom! I'm in the crapper!

Kevin's mom: (She's direct.) Kevin! (She laughs, then faces Fred.) I'm sorry.

(Kevin emerges from inside the house.)

Kevin: Where's the toilet paper? (He recognizes Fred.) Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who invited Figglehorn here?

Kevin's mom: (She sighs.) I did. Kevin, be polite.

Fred: (He chuckles.) It's okay. (to Kevin.) Kevin, I'm having a party tonight. That's why I came over.

Kevin's mom: (She gasps.) See, Kevin?

Fred: Yeah, it's going to be awesome! There's going to be lots of games and food and music, and we're going to do a lot of illegal stuff. Kids our age can't do it, but we're gonna do it anyway.

Kevin's mom: (She's ecstatic.) What?

Fred: It's gonna be great!

Kevin's mom: Oh, that sounds like fun!

Kevin: (He's careless.) All right. Okay.

(Fred hands over an envelope to Kevin.)

Fred: Here.

Kevin's mom: I met your father at a party.

Kevin: (He's unamused.) Mom. That's disgusting. Come on.

(He opens the envelope and stares at the paper, which reads "YOU ARE NOT INVITED" in all capital letters.)

Kevin: (He's furious.) What is this?

Fred: (He's proud of his deed.) Your dis-invitation. I'm having a party, and you can't come.

Kevin's mom: (She's oblivious.) I'm so... I'm trying to get it...

Fred: (He's slightly giddy.) I have to go right now because there's a lot of other people I have to dis-invite to my party.

(Fred races out of the house in search of other people.)

Kevin's mom: Oh, what a sweet kid. Yeah, I'm glad you're friends.

Kevin: (He's annoyed.) I'm not friends with him.

Kevin's mom: You should be because he seems popular.

Kevin: Mom, I'm not even friends with him.

Kevin's mom: I would be because he's popular.

Kevin: (He's infuriated.) Mom, I'm not friends with him!

(Kevin's mom plays with her son's hat, not paying attention to Kevin's anger.)

Kevin: (He leaves.) Stop touching my hat!

Kevin: Oh gosh, right. Don't touch the hat.

(Fred prances around the neighborhood, handing out dis-invitations to his party to people.)

Fred: (to a girl standing outside.) Just wanted to make sure you knew you weren't invited. Bye.

(A teenage boy pulls out a dis-invitation from the mail, which Fred witnesses.)

Fred: Oh! Looks like you got my message that you're not invited to my party! Sucker!

(Fred runs away and reaches more people to dis-invite.)

Fred: (to a teenage girl.) And I asked everyone, and they all specifically said you weren't cool, so here you go.

(Fred interrupts a conversation between two people to dis-invite them.)

Fred: One for you and one for you. Both not invited! (He laughs and walks away.)

(Fred peeks inside a car and dis-invites the people inside.)

Fred: Hey, guys! Just wanted to let you guys know that I was having a party, but you're not invited!

(Fred rings the doorbell on Bertha's house. Bertha answers the door.)

Bertha: (She's casual.) What's up, moron?

Fred: Bertha, hi.

Bertha: Hi, Fred, what's up?

Fred: Not much.

Bertha: No?

Fred: Just hanging.

Bertha: Okay. I saw that video of you online.

(Fred laughs sarcastically, feeling annoyed about the video.)

Fred: It's so funny, isn't it? Everyone saw it. I'm not stupid, I know. I get it. I'm over it. Anyways, here. (He hands a dis-invitation to Bertha.) You're not invited to my party. I never was gonna invite you anyway. See you. It's gonna be fun without you.

Bertha: (She shrugs in confusion.) I didn't think that video was funny.

Fred: (He turns around, flabbergasted.) Are you serious? I was all... (He pretends to puke.) And then Kevin was like "Oh, let's throw a piece of pizza at him. (He mimics Kevin's laugh.) So funny." But you weren't laughing, were you? No.

Bertha: No. I wasn't invited to Judy's party.

Fred: (He laughs.) You weren't?

(Bertha shrugs in response to Fred's question, casually chewing her gum.)

Fred: Well, I don't know. I guess I just assumed. Well, anyways, I'm going to go get ready for my party. So, see you.

Bertha: Okay. Have fun. (She leaves Fred.)

Fred: (He changes his mind.) Bertha! Bertha?

(Bertha turns around before she could enter her house.)

Fred: (He attempts to speak.) Um... Would you maybe want to... Like, you could just come and party maybe, just for a little bit? You don't have to stay the whole time, but do you want to come, maybe?

Bertha: (She smiles.) Okay.

Fred: (He's surprised at Bertha's decision.) Really?

Bertha: Yeah. I like partying. I'm a good partier.

Fred: Okay! Well, if you come, bring a lot of clothes. Just bring everything you got, okay?

Bertha: (She's in shock.) What... Do I just... I can just bring anything? It doesn't matter?

Fred: (He speaks hastily.) A ton. A ton of clothes. Your mom's, your dad's, everyone's.

Bertha: (Her words are drowned out.) I guess I'll just bring them all. I'll just bring my whole wardrobe.

Fred: Yes, everything! Do it now. Do it now, now, now, now!

Bertha: Okay, I'll see you in a minute. Okay. Bye.

(They both laugh as Bertha enters her house.)

(At Fred's house, Fred and Bertha set up the house for a party, using whatever they brought with them. Downstairs, Fred's mom, having woken up, glances at the duo holding and recording with a camera.)

Fred: (He whispers.) Did you get that?

Bertha: (She whispers.) I got it.

Fred's mom: Hey, Fred! (She hiccups.) What's going on here?

Fred: (He giggles.) Nothing.

(Fred's mom notices that her son and Bertha are recording her right now.)

Fred's mom: (She's confused.) What are you doing with the camera?

Fred: We're having a party!

Fred's mom: (She's still confused.) Did we talk about you having a party?

Fred: No, sorry.

Fred's mom: How many people did you invite?

Fred: (He makes up a number.) A hundred, 150?

Fred's mom: (She's impressed.) You got a lot of friends, Fred.

(Fred and Bertha start running outside.)

Fred: (to his mom.) Bye.

Fred's mom: (She's proud of Fred.) That's good. That's real good.

(For the remainder of the day, Fred and Bertha decorate nearly everything in Fred's house with their resources and spend the time partying everything away. They blast loud music from speakers, trash the majority of the house, and record everything that was going on, as if they're partying with a lot more people. At one point, Kevin notices what's going on in Fred's house and seethes with jealousy.)

(Fred is editing footage of the party he and Bertha had to make it seem as if hundreds of people went to their party. Bertha is watching behind him.)

Fred: (He sighs and laughs.) Nice one.

Bertha: (She's tired.) What time is it?

Fred: Huh? Uh, I'm almost done. Hold on. Almost there. Finally! I'm done with this video. It's going to be so awesome. Let me tell you. Everyone at my school is going to be so jealous.

(Fred becomes hesitant to send the video online.)

Fred: But what if they think it's fake? That won't be good.

(Fred tries to decide whether he should send the video or not.)

Fred: I mean, they'll think I'm even a bigger loser. So... You know what? I'm going to send it right now. I'm taking the risk. Here I go. No, no. Everyone will think you're a loser, no. I'm doing it! Why should I even care what they think?

(Fred continues to try to talk to himself to help him decide.)

Fred: (He's overwhelmed.) Fred, send it, send it, send it! No, Fred. Don't send it! Send it! Send it, Fred! What should I do? What should I do? I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do! What should I do? What should I do?

(In his fit of frustration, Fred accidentally hits the keyboard with his head, uploading the video in the process.)

Fred: (He's alarmed.) Oh, my gammit! I sent it!

(Fred screams in panic.)

(Fred's scream morphs into the video of the party itself, which is covered in decorations, mannequins, and clothes.)

Fred: (He's disguised as a partygoer.) This party is off the hook.

(More scenes of the party depict Fred, Bertha, and Fred's mom dancing, playing games, and eating a lot of food. They also spend time interacting with each other, and having a blast.)

(At school, numerous students and Judy's partygoers are gossiping about Fred's party with Bertha in various classrooms.)

Student #1: (He's jealous.) I wanted to make it to Fred's party, but my girl didn't want to go. I like to party she don't like to party. I like to break it down.

(A teacher tries to get his attention in class.)

Student #1: (He sighs, determined.) I will be at the next one.

(A shot of band students wearing T-shirts with Fred's head on them is shown.)

Student #2: Oh. It was an epic fail of me not to go to Fred's. I mean, I wasn't invited, but I'm sure it's because I wasn't around when he was inviting people. I've been out sick. A lot.

(A shot of students wearing bags similar to Fred's in shown.)

Partygoer #1: I would totally go out with Fred, but Judy's, like, my best friend and I would never do that to her.

(The girls around the partygoer roll their eyes. The camera cuts to a group of boys in the bathroom.)

Student #3: I was at Fred's house, and, like... And we, like, hurled together.

(The student's friends nod, impressed.)

Student #3: I mean, we crossed hurl.

(A shot of students wearing Invisibility Cloaks like Fred's is shown. Kevin appears in the school basketball court.)

Kevin: (He laughs it off.) I don't care that I wasn't invited to Fred's party, you know. I don't care. I don't care at all. I don't. I really don't. I don't know why everyone's asking me that. (to the camera.) Who was there?

(Bertha's popularity has risen, with numerous guys staring at her dreamily.)

Bertha: (She flaunts.) Best party ever, right? Boys, quit staring.

(Bertha snaps her fingers, making every boy staring at her from behind look away. Meanwhile, Kevin is still at the basketball court.)

Kevin: (He's wondering.) Where are my friends? Where did my friends go? (He tries finding them.) Hey, guys! Guys!

(At Fred's house, Fred's mom is admiring the leftover mess Fred and Bertha's party left behind.)

Fred's mom: (She's amazed.) Whoo! Hey. That was some party.

(Fred's mom catches her son staring at his computer.)

Fred's mom: Hey, mister. Aren't you supposed to be in school?

Fred: (He faces his mom.) Hi, Mom.

Fred's mom: You sure know how to throw a little party.

Fred: (He's slightly dazed.) Yeah, it was over yesterday.

Fred's mom: Yeah? Did your girlfriend, Judy, show up?

Fred: (He's slightly miffed.) Mom. No, she didn't. She's not my girlfriend, anyway.

Fred's mom: (She brushes it off.) Hey, listen. So what? She's probably just playing hard to get. There'll be others knocking your doorstep down. She'll be lucky to have you as a boyfriend because you're good-looking, because you're a Figglehorn.

Fred: (He smiles with pride.) I am a Figglehorn, Mom. Thanks.

Fred's mom: (She holds up an envelope.) Anyway, keep getting their family's mail. Who does she think she is?

Fred: I thought you said you're going to toss all the mail, Mom.

Fred's mom: Yeah, well, i'm a big talker. What you look... oh!

(Fred has a picture of Judy's house on his computer screen.)

Fred's mom: Nice house.

Fred: Yeah, it's Judy's house.

Fred's mom: Is that the house where you hurled?

Fred: (He nods.) Mmm-hmm.

(Fred zooms in through the house's bathroom window, at the same picture of the guy with hairy legs using the bathroom.)

Fred's mom: (She recognizes the man.) Hey, I know that guy. It's Danny Jennety.

Fred: (He scrunches his face up.) Ew! How do you know him?

Fred's mom: We had a date once.

Fred: When was that?

Fred's mom: That was about, I don't know, 15 years ago?

Fred: (He's startled to hear that.) I'm 15.

Fred's mom: (She looks around.) I'm taking a nap.

Fred: You just got up, Mom.

Fred's mom: Yeah, well, whatever. I'm taking a nap.

(After Fred's mom goes upstairs, Fred notices his dad exercising in the kitchen.)

Fred: (He's pleasantly surprised.) Dad! What are you doing here?

Fred's dad: (He punches his fists.) Taking a nap!

(Fred's dad also heads upstairs.)

(Later, a teenager rings the doorbell on Fred's house. Fred is startled to see Judy outside his door. The two stare at each other for a moment.)

Fred: (He's pleasantly surprised.) Judy!

Judy: Hi, Fred.

Fred: You're tall.

Judy: (She looks down.) Oh. It's the shoes.

(Meanwhile, an astonished Kevin drops his bike and stares at Judy talking to Fred.)

Judy: You weren't at school today. I hope you're not sick.

Fred: (He shakes his head.) I'm not sick. I'm not sick at all.

Judy: Were you taking a nap then?

Fred: No.

Judy: (She notices what Fred's wearing.) Why are you wearing your pajamas?

Fred: These aren't pajamas. They're loungewear.

Judy: Oh.

(The two stare again, awkwardly standing.)

Fred: (He changes the subject.) So... what do you want?

Judy: I wanted to see you, Fred.

Fred: (He's taken aback.) Really?

Judy: (She's regretful.) I really wanted to apologize. I just feel like I've been really mean, and I should've invited you to my party. I'm really sorry.

Fred: (He brushes it off.) Don't worry. I'm totally over it.

Judy: I totally deserved to be barfed all over.

(They both chuckle a little.)

Fred: Want me to do it again? (He pretends to barf.)

Judy: (She flinches.) Gross.

Fred: Apology accepted.

Judy: Thank you. So, can I come in?

Fred: (He's taken aback again.) Like, into my house?

Judy: I just thought we could hang out.

Fred: And do what?

Judy: I don't know. Um... (She hesitates.) I thought we could sing together.

(Kevin, who is still watching Judy, cries in sadness. Meanwhile, Fred gets excited.)

Fred: (He's astonished.) Sing? Me and you, like, together? Singing? Just hold on one second, okay?

Judy: Sure.

(Fred closes the door and screams in pure happiness and delight. Derf watches from the inside of Fred's house.)

Derf: Oh, yeah, dude. Rock on!

(Fred pants to contain himself and opens the door again.)

Fred: (He gestures inside, to Judy.) Won't you come in?

Judy: (She steps inside.) Thank you.

(Fred faces the camera in pure excitement until it transitions to a map of Fred's neighborhood shrinking, and the words "The end" to fit the end credits.)

(Peppy music playing.)

♪ Who's ready to party? (We're ready to party) ♪

♪ Getting it started (Life is a party) ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (Pong-a-rong-tong-yay) ♪

♪ Everybody hands in the air ♪

(First song breakdown.)

♪ Who's ready to party? (We're ready to party) ♪

♪ Getting it started (Life is a party) ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (Pong-a-rong-tong-yay) ♪

♪ Everybody hands in the air ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (She's ready to party) ♪

♪ Getting it started (Life in the party) ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (Pong-a-rong-tong-yay) ♪

♪ Got it goin' on right 'ere ♪

(Second song breakdown.)

♪ Who's ready to party? (We're ready to party) ♪

♪ Getting it started (Life is a party) ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (Pong-a-rong-tong-yay) ♪

♪ Everybody hands in the air ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (She's ready to party) ♪

♪ Getting it started (Life in the party) ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (Pong-a-rong-tong-yay) ♪

♪ Got it goin' on right 'ere ♪

(Third song breakdown.)

♪ Party! ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (We're ready to party) ♪

♪ Getting it started (Life is a party) ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (Pong-a-rong-tong-yay) ♪

♪ Everybody hands in the air ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (She's ready to party) ♪

♪ Getting it started (Life in the party) ♪

♪ Who's ready to party? (Pong-a-rong-tong-yay) ♪

♪ Got it goin' on right 'ere ♪